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December 31, 2016 by Dara Grimes Leave a Comment

How to Identify and Deal with the Toxic People in Your Life

Sometimes it is difficult to identify the toxic people in our lives. Usually, they are those closest to us whom we call a friend, mother, father, husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. You may ask, “How will I know if the person in my life is toxic?” You will know by what they say and or do. Usually, these types of people prey on your insecurities to control, exploit and or belittle you. These people carefully select the person whom they have identified as showing signs of low self-worth and esteem. Because of their need for outside validation, approval and or love makes them more susceptible to vulnerability.

How toxic people execute their plan

There are different methods that toxic people use. Isolation seems to be the most effective in gaining ultimate control over someone. These people are methodical orchestrators who actively work behind the scenes to ostracize and isolate you from your family and friends. Creating rifts between you and your support system is their specialty. Once they have successfully cast you away to a desolate island, you then become more dependent upon them for almost everything. You even begin to think that you can’t function without this person even though your “logical” self knows otherwise. Once someone has this kind of hold over you, you begin to believe that you can’t do anything without them (a la “Jedi mind trick”). Don’t be fooled by the seemingly “considerate” manner that this method of isolation can be delivered.

Not all toxic people are overtly mean or cruel. Some will sugar coat the poison before giving it to you. Manipulation and outright deceit are their weapons of choice. They will try to convince you that “they” are the only ones who have your back and that everyone that you have known and trusted is out to hurt and control you. To make their case even more believable, they will use your innermost thoughts, fears, and concerns that you’ve shared against you so that you begin to doubt yourself. They may also try to “guilt” you into things through verbal attacks, threats, and some times physical abuse to achieve their goal. If this sounds sinister and evil, you’d be correct. It is. A truly toxic person is a master manipulator, which makes them very hard to detect and to get away from. These people only put up the façade of being confident and self-assured but in reality, they are usually broken, abused and damaged people who have learned how to inflict hurt upon others as a way to assuage their own pain.

Toxic people spend the vast majority of their time trying to convince you that there is something wrong with you and only they have the cure. Toxic people don’t know the real meaning of accountability and rarely take responsibility for their own actions and behavior. On the off chance they “claim” responsibility, it is only because it benefits them to do so.

How to deal with a toxic person

I believe the best course of action in “dealing” with such a person is to make a clean break. Why? Because toxic people do not care about your feelings; therefore spending time trying to explain the reason(s) for your decision to move on is a waste of your time. Do not approach this situation like you would if the relationship was built on love, trust, and mutual respect. Remember, toxic relationships are not composed of any of the key ingredients that make up a healthy relationship; therefore you can’t approach it as such. If you listen to a person talk long enough, they will eventually say something you want to hear. It draws you right back into the negative cycle you have just broken free from. That said, once you’ve made a clean break, keep it moving and don’t look back. Don’t give a toxic person an opportunity to talk to you again because if you do, you will be where they want you to be, back in THEIR control and the cycle continues.

I know this is easier said than done but it is not impossible. The choice is yours and the sooner you can identify and remove such people from your life, the closer you will be to getting YOUR power back.

Filed Under: Empowerment, Life Lessons, Relationships, Uncategorized, Wellbeing

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Dara Grimes




(703) 375-9520
Kingstowne Ridge 5680
King Centre Drive
Suite 600
Alexandria, VA 22315
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Dara is licensed to practice in Virginia, Washington, D.C., Maryland, and Indiana (California licensure coming soon)
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Located in: Virginia
Kingstowne Ridge 5680
King Centre Drive
Suite 600
Alexandria, VA 22315
(703) 375-9520

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Valparaiso, IN 46383
(703) 375-9520

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